Although I do have a list that I really want to get out, I feel it appropriate to catch things in the moment. For instance, today’s theme has really been about triggers for me. Realizing them and why they have endured over time.
For lack of looking back I’ll state my addictions again: food and porn. What can trigger these things? As a self-identified “addict” (my support team agrees with this) it can and will be a lot of things. I use them when down, to get a sense of “happiness” however fleeting that may be. I use them when I’m happy, a celebration of sorts. I use them out of boredom and to procrastinate. But do you want to know the strongest factor? Feeling tired.
Sleep is severely underrated in our society. It can be seen as lazy, unimportant in the grander scheme of things, or just undesirable to some. It is my understanding though, that it acts as the support beams for almost every other aspect of our life. It affects mood, memory retention, metabolism, and just overall efficiency. It can leave you feeling low and in need of an upper. This is a dangerous little cycle that develops especially when you have addictive tendencies and imbalances going on in the foreground. You get tired, and discover simple short-term fixes can lift you up, briefly. The last part being easily overlooked due to the ease and pleasure they bring. It happens on a lesser scale to many people with things like junk food. But when most foods become trigger foods and you literally (I know how to use this word, so keep that in mind) ask your partner to lock food up and ration out servings the night before… a different thing completely. Though it’s easy to admit that these things actually don’t serve any purpose (other than to elevate you very quickly and then just as quickly drop you beneath where you started) it’s harder to stop them. The pairing of the dopamine with the circumstance become intertwined, before you know it, it’s second nature. And, if you’re blessed (sarcasm) with one ore more addictions, whoa boy, they can trigger each other. Just like a little minefield of bad choices.
Started yesterday, I’m going to make one adjustment every 14 days or so to reboot my sleep. Yesterday I started going to bed at a more realistic time for myself (9:45). I mean prior to that, I was going to bed close to this time, without any consistency. I was also trying to wake up at 5am the following day, so I’d wake up with wildly varied sleep durations throughout the week. Perhaps if I can do that much, then the addictions will seem less appealing. I feel like on the days that I have energy that they are hardly of any concern to me. Another thing that’s specific to me, is that if I don’t give into one of the problematic behaviors, I am so much less likely to engage in the other.
As usual, I hope that some of you who end up reading this find it insightful, maybe even helpful to some degree. I hope this finds the people who need it. Thx gorgeous.
Seasons of the Which 